


A Friend in Need

by mutuallyexclusive



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bribery, Crack, Crossdressing, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25402168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mutuallyexclusive/pseuds/mutuallyexclusive
Summary: “Kuro, no. I’m not dressing up as a girl, and I’m not dressing up as your girlfriend.” He glares venomously when Kuroo opens his mouth to spew some more shit. “I mean it, okay? Please don’t talk to me until you get your head screwed right. Bye.”.(Kuroo tries to convince Kenma to dress up as a girl.)
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 14
Kudos: 140





	A Friend in Need

"Damn, I look super hot as a girl."

Kenma gives him a judgemental look without even looking up from his phone. It's the way he pauses, ever so slightly, as his mouth curls into a cringe before it flattens again. To the untrained eye, one would think that they are being ignored. But to Kuroo, his best friend of almost ten years, it is practically the same as hearing _“like hell you are”_ in Kenma speak.

Kuroo tries out a couple more poses on the newest Snapchat filter before getting bored. A moment later, Kenma lets out an undignified huff and looks up from his phone.

"Oya?" Kuroo smirks. Kenma stares at him. "Did you lose again?"

"This game is harder than I expected."

"Finally a game that Kenma-sama can't beat?"

"I can," Kenma almost growls, irritated from the loss. "I just need a few more tries to get a hang of it."

Kuroo spins around on his chair. He has an idea. "Kenma! Stop playing and come here."

"No."

"Pspspspsp," Kuroo beckons him with a hand like one would with a stray cat, or like what Kenma did to Lev once when he thought no one was looking. He grins when this earns him a glare.

Kenma huffs and turns onto his other side on the bed, facing away from Kuroo. The telltale music of the game starting plays. Again.

"Hey! Stop playing already, do you wanna destroy your eyes?" Kenma ignores him. "Don't you think it's rude to ignore your guest? My, what a considerate host you are."

"You're the one who invited yourself over."

Kuroo pokes him in the ribs. Kenma yelps, his phone flying out of his hands. Kuroo grabs it out of the air and holds it above them.

"What do you want," Kenma says, voice flat and devoid of emotion. A sign that he's going to explode soon. Whoops.

"Come on, you've been at it for hours now. Let's take a break?" He says softly with a smile.

"What do you want," Kenma repeats, wary. He knows Kuroo wants something from him and Kuroo knows that he knows that Kuroo knows.

"Let's try this amazing new filter!" He invites himself into the bed and sticks his phone in Kenma's face.

Kenma lets out a long-suffering sigh like the one Akaashi does when Bokuto did something stupid. Kuroo should feel insulted.

The filter finishes loading and Kenma's face is full of makeup. "This is what you've been doing for the past hour?" He sounds deeply unimpressed. "Really?" _Now_ Kuroo feels insulted.

He presses save with a _'click!'_ and scrambles out of the bed, but Kenma is too lazy to stop him.

"There's nothing wrong with being curious about what I look like as the opposite sex," he sniffs. He looks down at his phone. His eyes nearly bulge out.

"Kenma…"

"Please give me back my phone."

"Kenma!"

Kenma mumbles something under his breath. It sounds suspiciously like, _"I do not have the patience for this shit today,"_ but what he actually says is, "On the count to three, Kuro."

Yikes. Kuroo hands him his phone and Kenma practically snatches it in his haste. The other boy immediately buries himself under the covers but not before hissing at Kuroo to stop annoying him.

Okay. Okay, it's time for a tactical retreat. New intelligence dictates that a frontal assault right now will be disastrous.

Kuroo eyes the lump of blankets in front of him before standing. His mind blanks for a moment in incredulity before focusing again. Heat rising in his cheeks, he gulps, something stirring in his gut.

_'Damn, Kenma looks super cute as a girl.'_

* * *

"Kenma, have you ever heard of crossdressing?"

Kenma grimaces. Not this again. "No."

"Really?" Lies. "Didn't we watch that anime about that crossdressing girl and her six boyfriends?"

As expected, Kenma bristles, hair raising like a cat's. "They're not her boyfriends. We've talked about this."

Hook, line, and sinker. "Oh, did we?" Kuroo grins, and Kenma wants to chuck his switch at his sleazy face.

"Yes, we did. We also talked about not using your manipulation tactics on me." He furrows his brows before he begins hesitantly, "Kuro, do you have something you want to tell me?"

"What do you mean?" Kuroo asks, feigning confusion. "Why do you think I have something to say? Do you have something to say?"

This is getting nowhere. Kenma is this close to pulling his hair out. For the past week, his friend has been dropping many hints he thought subtle and clever, but really was as obvious as throwing rocks in Kenma's face.

_"Kenma, have you ever thought of growing your hair out?"_

_"Kenma, did you know that lots of guys wear makeup these days?"_

_"Kenma, don't you think that given our anatomy, guys should wear skirts and girls should wear pants?"_

Really. What did Kuroo take him for? He's happy that Kuroo feels comfortable enough to want to talk to him about this, but he's also disappointed that Kuroo thinks that he can't be blunt with him.

"Yes. In fact, I do have something to say," he takes a deep breath to prepare himself. "Kuro, you know I won't judge you, right?"

Whatever it is, Kuroo isn’t expecting this. "What?"

Kenma gapes a little in incredulity because the surprise on Kuroo’s face seems genuine. A bubble of irritation forms within him. Did he really have no idea?

“You’ve been… Uhh,” shit, how does one tell his friend that said friend has been trying to come out to him? “Kinda curious about… becoming a girl?”

Kuroo stares. “Umm, no?” A blush forms on his cheeks as realisation hits, spreading all the way to his neck. “No! No, it’s not what you’re thinking!”

“Then pray tell, why have you been asking me about crossdressing? Or any kind of feminine behaviour, really.” Kenma deadpans, staring him in the eye. He’s going to get to the bottom of this today, no matter how awkward this makes the both of them.

Kuroo takes a deep breath. He should have known any kind of subtle nudging wouldn’t work on someone like Kenma. Time to rip off the bandaid. “You look really cute as a girl,” he declares solemnly.

The look Kenma gives him is horrifying. _“Hah?”_ Kenma can’t believe this. Has Kuroo been talking about _him_ all this time?

Kuroo hurries to explain. “I mean—” he takes out his phone and shows him a picture. A very familiar picture. “See this? This is you!”

Kenma stares at the heavily filtered picture in disgust. “Please don’t tell me you’ve been looking at this all this while.”

“That’s not the point!” Kuroo is beginning to look maniacal, eyes wide open as he aggressively points and pokes at said picture. “The point is this— you have a lot of potential!”

“What potential?!”

“The potential to break twice as many hearts!”

Kenma pushes the phone away from his face. “This is stupid.”

He honestly thought Kuroo was trying to come out to him about his gender identity. He had given the idea much thought and consideration, agonising on how to let the other boy know that he will always support him even though Kenma didn’t know much about it at this point.

“No, wait— At least hear me out,” Kuroo says pleadingly, looking at him with a pout on his face. Ugh.

“Ew,” he says, but stays put anyway.

“I was just thinking— the next time we go out, you could dress up like that?”

With all his heart, Kenma wishes for a hole to appear beneath him and swallow him whole. “I don’t know what kind of porn you’ve been watching, but please leave me out of it.”

“Oi! This is not a fetish!” Kuroo retorts hotly. His flush has subsided and in its place is grim determination. “I seriously think you can pass as a girl. A really, really pretty one, too.”

Is this a fever dream? Is any of this real? Kenma could really use that hole right now to bring him out of his misery.

“You’re insane. Just go find a girlfriend already,” Kenma storms off, trying to get away from his crazy friend.

Kuroo follows him. “What a good idea. Kenma, _you_ can be my girlfriend.”

That’s it. Kuroo has officially lost his mind.

"Please leave me alone.”

Kenma tries to slam the door in Kuroo’s face but he catches the edge and pushes the door open.

“Come on, Kenma. People always say that a best friend will do anything for you when you’re in need. Now I’m in need of a girlfriend, so you’re the perfect person to dress as my girlfriend!”

Kenma stares at him incredulously. Kuroo stares back, refusing to buckle under pressure. The fact that Kenma hasn’t told him to fuck off means that he still has a chance of getting what he wants, no matter how small it is.

“Who the hell are you, and what have you done to Kuro?”

“I’m still _me_ , Kenma,” he places a palm to his chest to show his sincerity. “I’m serious about this, you know?”

Kenma sighs heavily and massages his temples. “That’s what I’m afraid of,” he says tiredly. Kuroo is giving him a real headache.

“Just give it a thought, yeah?”

“No. You’re crazy.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are!”

Kuroo steps into the room. “No, I’m not,” he says as he closes the door behind him, a tad too close for comfort.

Normally this would have Kenma backing away, but he has to put his foot down on whatever nonsense this is. Kuroo is too heavily in denial. Or, he’s too deep in some sort of perverted fantasy again.

Kenma tries a different approach. “You do know that picture is heavily filtered, right? Even if— if I _do_ dress up as a girl, do you seriously think I’ll look exactly the same?

Kuroo smiles. Kenma realises his mistake too late. Give him an inch, and he’ll take an entire mile.

“We’ve got to try before we’ll know, right? Come on, Kenma. Just try it once? For me?”

At this rate, Kenma is going to go bald. He always thought that Kuroo was straight, but Kuroo has spat and stomped and thrown that assumption out of the window today. He desperately wants to ask _“why me?”_ but he’s deathly afraid of the answer. Their friendship is on the line here!

“Kuro, did you forget that we’re both guys? Everyone who knows us also knows that we’re best friends. Do you seriously think they won’t realise your new _‘girlfriend’_ looks a lot like me?”

Kuroo pauses in consideration. “Well, I guess you’re right. Maybe we can go somewhere further where no one will recognise us? Miyagi, perhaps?”

 _‘Oh my god, this is getting out of hand,’_ Kenma despairs. He needs to put a stop to this, now.

“Kuro, _no_. I’m not dressing up as a girl, and I’m not dressing up as your girlfriend.” He glares venomously when Kuroo opens his mouth to spew some more shit. “I mean it, okay? Please don’t talk to me until you get your head screwed right. Bye.”

Kenma starts pushing him out of the room. Kuroo stops him by holding both his wrists with his hands. Kenma sees red.

“I swear I am going to punch you in the fa—”

“Kenma, your parents said they’re not buying you the new PS5, right?” Kuroo says grimly. This is his last resort. “You want the PS5 for free?”

Kenma is stunned. He hears birds chirping, bells ringing. “...What?”

“You dress up once and I’ll buy it for you.”

* * *

“Nice to meet you, my name is Kenzuko.”

The girl with long, blonde hair bows in greeting. She fiddles with the hem of her blouse nervously, not making direct eye contact with any of them. Kuroo guides her to the seat next to him in the restaurant the team is having dinner at.

“Nice to finally meet you, Kenzuko-chan!” Yaku says cheerfully, a little starstruck. The rest of the team smile and nod along. “We were beginning to think that Kuroo’s girlfriend doesn’t actually exist!”

“Oi! Of course I was telling the truth, you asshole!” Kuroo gripes, and the two launch into a petty argument.

Lev stares at the girl in front of him in confusion. Her blonde hair frames her face delicately, hiding most of it from view. She hasn’t spoken a single word since her initial greeting and has been focused on her phone the entire time. Usually he will find such behaviour rude, but he finds himself puzzled by it instead.

“It’s too bad Kenma couldn’t make it,” Shibayama says next to him. “I think they’ll get along splendidly.”

Everyone chuckles at that before eventually moving on to another topic. The girl before him flushes and scowls. It’s a very familiar look.

Lev gasps.

“Kenma-san, what are you—Ow!” he yelps when someone stomps on his foot. The table is silent. Kuroo and Kenzuko—no, Kenma— are both sending him death glares. “What was that for?” he whines.

“Be quiet, Lev,” Yaku admonishes. “I know you miss him, but Kenma won’t be coming today.”

“But—” Another stomp. He gets the hint. Yaku gives him a searching look before turning away, laughing at something Yamamoto said.

 _‘I’m not crazy, am I?’_ Lev thinks furiously, stealing glances at the source of his pain. She—He’s even eating apple pie! Kenma’s favourite! How has anyone not noticed?

But more importantly, why the hell is Kenma crossdressing?!


End file.
